Myself, well I spend so many hours job hunting, I’m not sure how I would fit in the old shelf stacking in Poundland: this is where I could be sent on a Workfare wheeze when I run out of valid reasons for failing to find a post in my previous profession within the stipulated time period of 3 months.

My poor old Jobcoach doesn’t know what to do with me these days, and I can tell she doesn’t think I’m really trying. Every time I go there she demands “written evidence” that I’ve applied for ever so many jobs, even though I tell her those personal statements take forever. Everything’s online now you know at JobCentrePlus they’ve gone digital, so I always just do a search on my phone for “regret to inform you” emails and thrust that in her face. Then she says it’s got to be on paper or she’ll start sanctioning me, and I start talking about issues of trust.

I do actually wonder though, why did I spend so long pursuing an education, at the government’s expense, paid for by those hard-working families no less. well, because it enabled me subsequently to become a hard-working family member for nearly two decades, and a hard-working tax payer for a good ten years before that.

Now my time’s up though because I had a personality change and decided to be a benefit-scrounging family member instead. I never believed those psychology textbooks that went on about the constancy of the personality across the lifetime, because my change of heart was sudden and dramatic, as soon as the P45 hit the doormat I became scrounging scumduggery.

Why do all these idiots assume that the benefit-capped are underqualified? Why do they assume that we don’t want to work? Why do they assume we are youngsters, in need of an apprenticeship or an entry level qualification? Why do they assume that we come from families afflicted by intergenerational unemployment?

My working-class family worked hard, and my grandparents, and great-grandparents before them. My socialist parents truly believed that a university education would set their kids up for a life of professional success in a meaningful career, not a career cut short by benefit capped Poundlandary.